Children are the whole world of parents. Most parents dedicate their whole lives to the sake of their children. So, they do not expect them to come out with hurtful words or activities for them.
What happens if they do so even when you are dedicating your whole life only to the child? It will be the biggest pain that you get in your life. But you can deal with it if you know how to react in such a situation.
Therefore, this article is all about the things to do when your child says hurtful things to you.
What to do when your child says hurtful things to you? First, you should identify the reasons for their actions. It may be; because of their anger, frustration, disappointment, or their unawareness to solve various problems. After identifying the root cause, you can go to successful decisions. When talking about the hurtful words of children, most of the time, they use; I hate you, it is better to have a different mother or father instead of you, you are not good as a parent, etc. They can hurt you a lot.
So you should; give enough time for them to calm down, apologize for your part, and acknowledge your child’s emotions. And make sure not to; cuss or swear, yell at the child, come out with punishments or add fuel to the fire by increasing their anger. You can take steps to deal with it smoothly and try to discipline your child well.
Accordingly, in this article, I have covered; why children say hurtful things to their parents, what are some commonly used hurtful words by the children, what can you do to deal with them in that situation.
Finally, I have provided some tips on the things that you should not do at that moment.
Let’s get started!
Why do children say hurtful things to their parents?
The child is a dream of every married couple. So, they raise their children with much love and affection. But, sometimes, those children hurt their parents in many ways.
It is one of the greatest pains in this world. And, there are many reasons behind those disrespectful activities of kids.
Here, let’s discuss those reasons in more detail.
1. Frustration, anger, or disappointment
Children are unaware of expressing their emotions correctly. So, they will act out by saying hurtful words to you when they are disappointed, frustrated, or become angry with something.
The reason for those feelings may not be you. But when they do not have a way to release the stress of frustration or disappointment, they may say hurtful words to you.
So, it is better to find the reason first and try to understand the child in such moments. And, if there is something wrong with your side, it is better to apologize without increasing those disturbing feelings.
2. Testing the limits
Sometimes, children will come out with such disrespectful words to test their limits. That means; they need more freedom.
Suppose they feel that they are much controlled by limiting them with various boundaries. In that case, they will show those behaviors; especially this is common among teenagers.
3. Feeling upset
Have you noticed that sometimes, children hurt their parents with words and ignore the parents a lot?
So, what happens when your child says hurtful things to you by ignoring your advice? But remember that sometimes there will be a problem that upsets the child that you are unaware of.
It is better to keep an eye on them always to recognize the problems that make them upset. Then you can help to solve those problems and maintain a strong relationship.
4. They may need your help
This will be confusing to you. You may think that if the children want your help, why do they hurt you? Yes, some children do not like to show even their parents that they can’t do anything without the other’s help.
And, they also don’t know how to ask for your help. So, they will say hurtful words in such situations.
Accordingly, you should understand their real needs before being quick to punish their disrespectful words.
4. Mental stress
Have you noticed that; many kids become so mean during the examination periods? That is because of their stress.
When they are so busy with work, they don’t like to hear a word from any outsider, including you. So, if you utter a single word there, they will, of course, offer you pain with their words.
And mental stress is common among children whose parents are divorced. They will most of the time blame the one who is living with them at the moment by saying the faults of his or her.
So, it is not a secret that his words will be like gunshots to you.
Some commonly uttered hurtful words of children towards their parents
Most of the children come out with the same set of hurtful words for their parents when they are in trouble.
So, let’s consider some of them here. It will help you to understand your children in such a situation well.
1. I don’t feel love for you
This is commonly heard from teens and disgruntled children. Really, what will happen when your child says hurtful things to you like that? They do not think about how it affects you at that moment.
Sometimes, they utter it without having a sense of what he says at the moment. Usually, this happens when you try to prevent him from doing something that the child likes to do most.
2. You are not a good parent
This will deeply injure your heart. But, do not accept as soon as the child says it as true because, most of the time, these words come out from them after a punishment.
So, that may be an expression of their anger or sadness. On that occasion, it is better to understand his feelings than to respond negatively.
3. I would like it if I had a different mother or father, not you
This is also commonly heard from the children. They compare you, and your parenting styles with their friends’ parents.
But, do not accept his utterance as it is because; this shows that they are out of control and very emotional at the moment because of something that made them upset.
4. You are wasting my life on useless stuff
This is very common among teenagers because at this stage they like freedom and they love to do whatever their heart says rather than listen to you.
It usually involves the physical and financial struggles around them. As you also pass the teenage, it can be nicely handled by understanding them.
5. I like it if you die
This will be the climax of injuring your heart to the deepest point. This is something uncommon. Many children do not utter this if they are not in big trouble.
Most of the time, this is a sign not that he is fed up with you but that he is fed up with his own life.
It does not mean that he does not like to be with you forever, but he doesn’t like to have your presence at the moment. There, you may give them time to settle themselves.
What to do when your child says hurtful things to you?
You may not have a specific idea of how to act when your child says hurtful things to you. This is the greatest opportunity that you get for it.
I will help you by introducing some successful tips for this with more details.
1. Staying calm and quiet
Many parents suddenly respond to the disrespectful words of their children without control. But do you know that it increases the problem?
Therefore, it is better to stay calm and quiet at this moment. If you act out and become irrational, you will lose your understanding. So, do not let your problem escalate.
2. Concentrate on your body language
This is very important because; sometimes your body will mean more things than words. So, do not say one thing and let the body say something else.
For example, do not cross arms, roll on the eyes or put your hands on the hips because; they are signs of your anger. When the child comes out with hurtful words, he is in a very emotional and sensitive state.
So, your negative response will lead to many other troubles also. Your cool and calm body language can make a big difference from exposing the anger and fierceness through it.
3. Being short
You should be direct by keeping your responses to the point and short. It is better not to go to a big conversation or a dialogue.
Instead, try creating a sense in them of things that you want to convey to the child through a clear and precise sentence rather than opening up a large book in front of them.
4. Go away from that place for the moment and come back after being more ready
Sometimes, children will deeply hurt you. You will be unable to bear them at once. At that moment, do not respond to them at once. Instead, get time to be ready for your mind and respond with a clear and steady mind.
Do not think that you are conceited by doing like this. This is a strategy to come out with positive responses, which is good for both of you because you can take time to control yourself and tell the child something meaningful that makes them sense.
What should you not do when the child says hurtful things to you?
When talking about the things to do when your child says hurtful things to you, you also should have a clear understanding of what you should not do in that situation.
Then you can deal with it well. So, here let’s discuss the things that you should not do when there is a problem between you and your child.
1. Do not increase the trouble by adding fuel to the fire
When you are reacting to the hurtful words of your child, you should not mix emotions with them. It should be clear and quick.
Do not increase it by adding fuel because the child is already injured, and you also have been injured by the moment.
If you react in the same way as the child does, the problem will lead to many other new problems.
Although the children say everything that comes to their mind, as parents you should be responsible.
2. Don’t cuss or swear
Here, you should be very cool and calm yourself before saying something back to the child. Do not swear or cuss him. It will increase his unpleasant and angry feelings for you.
As an example, if the child says “I hate you,” do not say “I also hate you.” Remember that this is not a debate or a battle to select the winner, and this is something related to your lives and the relationships.
3. Do not scream or yell at the child
This is commonly seen among many uncontrolled parents, but it is not good because; it can worsen the problem.
When you yell at the child, he will shout louder because, by the moment, he wants to hurt you anyway.
Therefore, it is better to go away from that place for a little while and try to make you understand the real situation.
4. Do not use “can’t” for anything
Most of the parents get angry when children say something hurtful to them and try to spread their dominance over them by saying, “you can’t talk like this to me. I am your mother”.
Although it is true, they are not in a situation to understand it. Remember that it is not the ideal time to explain to the child what to do and not do.
If you do so, they get the sense that you are trying to dominate over them. So, it will arouse their anger.
5. Don’t punish at the moment
You may feel how to control the child without punishing him. Yes, that is true. We should punish children for taking them to the correct path, but it is not always effective.
Although it is the easiest way to finish the problem, it will not be an effective and successful solution.
Also, do not forget that by the moment you are also not normal, you have been hurt, so you will come out with wrong punishments. Therefore, do not go for punishments here.
And also, make sure not to say the things like;
- Do not cry.
- Now you are a big boy or a girl, so you can’t act like this.
- Do not try to be a baby.
- You are under my roof, so you can’t spoil my rules, and you are bound to respect them.
- Can’t you be like your elder sister or brother?
- You are very ungrateful and disrespectful.
- I am the person who is doing everything for you.
Conclusion – How to handle when your child says hurtful things to you?
We have discussed; what to do when your child says hurtful things to you with more details. I think this article will work out for all the parents as I have discussed many important things to deal with a troublesome situation between you two like; why children say hurtful things to their parents, what are some commonly used hurtful words by the children, what can you do to deal with them in that situation and finally, I have provided some tips on the things that you should not do when your child says hurtful things to you.
The child becomes the whole world of parents as soon as they come to this world. So, they always try to teach only the good things to them. But, some children are saying hurtful words to their parents. If parents don’t have a good idea on how to deal with them in such a situation, it will cause more trouble.
First, you should understand the reasons for them to act like that. So, there will be many reasons like; frustration, anger or disappointment, testing the limits, feeling upset, etc. many children usually say heart-aching words like; I don’t love you, I hate you, you are not a good parent, and I like it if I owned a different mother or father, not you, etc. to their parents.
But, you can control the situation by; staying calm and quiet, concentrating on your body language, being short, etc. Further, make sure not to; increase the trouble by adding fuel to the fire, cuss or swearing, screaming or yelling at the child. Then you can manage the situation well.
Thank you for reading. Stay tuned with BestFamilyLife for more good content.