Blended families, divorced parents, and new relationships of parents have been a notable trend in the current social system. The parent-children relationship has become too complicated due to this situation.
Most children in modern society live with only one parent or with one biological parent and a step-parent. It is now a common phenomenon in society but creates some issues as well. The most challenging problem is co parenting while in a relationship.
If the two biological parents are still together, then the co-parenting concept is quite simple and easy. But the situation changes when the two biological parents get divorced and get into new relationships.
It is not an easy task to co-parent while in a relationship since it affects you, your children, and the new partner. In this case, you must understand your children’s mentality as well as the new partner in co-parenting while in a relationship.
Through this article, let’s discuss what co-parenting is and the relationships that circulate on it. Then it is better to identify the difficulties of co-parenting while in a relationship and bad co-parenting signs.
Then finally, I’ll provide you some tips to maintain excellent co-parenting by balancing your children and new partner. Since this is a contemporary pressing issue, it is good to understand the facts if you are a separated parent with a relationship.
Let’s get started!
What is Co-parenting?
Co-parenting is working together to raise a child by the two biological parents. Both parents have the responsibility of children and have to make decisions and contribute to the child’s life.
The two parents have an equal responsibility regarding kids, and co-parenting should be focused on the child and his well-being.
If the two biological parents are together, then co-parenting can be maintained favorably. There can indeed be shortcomings or matters, but since the parents are together, the relationship defining won’t be much complicated.
However, the situation will be worse and different when the parents get divorced, separated, get into new relationships, and create blended families.
The primary issue these separated parents face is maintaining co parenting while in a relationship with a new partner.
It is hard to believe some other person who is not the biological parent for giving the responsibility of the children. And even kids too feel complicated and uncomfortable with the new situation.
In co-parenting as a divorced parent, you have to maintain the relationship with the other biological parent even though they are not your partner anymore.
It would be best if you took their engagement in making decisions regarding children and their responsibilities.
Then you need to balance your co-parenting with the new partner since your child is a new part of their lives, and keeping them happy is essential in co-parenting.
Then most importantly, you must focus on your child. Even with your new relationship, you need to maintain a loving relationship with your kid and make them happy.
So this is the scope of co-parenting, and you need to preserve co-parenting while in a relationship carefully.
Difficulties of co-parenting while in a relationship
Co-parenting is a considerable responsibility even when you have a healthy family setting with both biological parents together. So no need to imagine the situation of divorced parents.
The separation and divorce process is complicated for you as well as your children. Then the new relationship will bring changes to your life and will be challenging to maintain co-parenting.
The communication difficulties may occur since the co-parenting relationships become complex with the intervention of your new partner. The communication should be open and flexible for successful co-parenting.
Then complications arise when communicating about your new relationship to your children and your ex. Even allowing your new relationship to enter your and your children’s lives is also a difficult situation.
It sometimes creates stress and anxiety. Then, cooperating with the other biological parent, new partner, and children is another tricky situation in co-parenting. You may need to make all of them apart in making parenting decisions, and it will be a challenging task.
On the other hand, supporting children to adapt to the new family situation is another difficulty faced in co-parenting. Your divorce may affect kids more than adults since they prefer to live with both parents together most of the time.
So they need time to adapt to the single-parent home, and then your new relationship will make it more difficult. They may look at your new partner in suspicion or as an enemy that intervenes to take you away from them.
So, it is a difficult task to create a favorable relationship among new partners and the children. And in co-parenting, your new partner also faces difficulty in welcoming new children to their lives.
They also need time to support you in co-parenting. In addition, defining co-parenting responsibilities separately and explaining the nature of your relationships to others is also a tough situation.
You may face several co-parenting difficulties while in a relationship and try to reduce them since it is a matter of your child.
Bad co-parenting signs
Being a good co-parent is a complex effort to achieve. As we already discussed, you may face several difficulties in co parenting while in a relationship, and it is natural to show off bad co-parenting signs in your way to manage co parenting with your relationship.
But you have to reduce that and maintain good co-parenting to make your child happier and ensure his well-being. Here are some bad co-parenting signs; and understand them at the initial stages and overcome them.
- Criticizing co-parenting style of your ex in front of your kids
- Taking decisions or making schedules for the kid’s activities without prior negotiation
- Not providing access to child’s school reports and other important documents to your ex
- Not inviting the other parent to school events or birthday parties of the kid
- Depriving the time of the other parent to spend with the child
- Refusing to share information and communicate with the other parent regarding the matters of the child
- Trying to show off you are the best parent and can manage all the stuff own
- Bad-mouthing and having negative conservations with the other parent in front of your child
- Depriving the communication means such as calls, messages, or video chats with the other parent and the child
- Forcing the kid to ignore the other parent
- Spy on the personal matters of the other parent
- Blaming the other parent regarding financial difficulties with your kid
- Having more time with your new partner by ignoring the child
- Blaming the child and your ex in front of your new partner
- Asking the other parent to hold all the responsibilities of the child
- Being a bad role model for your child
- Try to make your new partner intervene in your child’s life and decisions regarding him without the preference of the child or the other parent
Tips for maintaining good co-parenting while in a relationship
Maintaining good co-parenting while in a relationship is essential to conduct a healthy parent-child relationship. And it is necessary to reduce the harmful impact that happens to your child from the separation of two parents.
You need to make children feel that they are loved and cared for. Even though you are separated from the other parent and having a relationship, try to maintain an excellent co-parenting style since it heavily affects your child’s life.
1. Good communication
One of the most important facts needed in co-parenting is communication. Even though you two are no longer partners, both co-parents should have proper communication with each other.
You two need to get in touch with the changes and special occasions in the child’s life and hold an equal responsibility regarding the kid. Co-parents should listen to each other and make decisions for the child with discussion and negotiations.
In addition, you need to have good communication with your child and always have regular chats with them.
2. Setting boundaries
You need to set co-parenting boundaries with your ex and new partner to maintain good co-parenting. You can impose limitations for your child’s engagement with the other co-parent and impose some rules as well.
It will control an unnecessary intervention of your ex to you and your child’s lives. And also, you can set boundaries for your new partner regarding the disproportionate involvement of the parenting matters and your child’s life.
3. Give the child priority
Since your child may face a complex situation in understanding the separation of parents and your new relationship, you need to prioritize your child. They may be in an inner conflict to adapt to the situation.
So you need to help your child and make him feel that he is the most crucial priority. Discuss and inform your child about your new partner and introduce them while creating a good relationship between them.
4. Respect each other
Co-parenting is a partnership and doesn’t always tend to jump into conflicts. It will be a stress to all the parties, especially the kid.
Therefore respect each other and be patient in working together. Even if you don’t like your ex, their new partners, don’t badmouth them in front of kids. Always try to be respectful and work cordially.
5. Be transparent about the kid’s matters
Don’t deprive the access to the information of your child from the other co-parent. Share information about school events, special occasions, parents’ meetings, child’s school records, and his special talents with the co-parent and engage him in making decisions about the child’s life together.
6. Attend the events together
Always try to attend the events and meetings of your kid together with the other co-parent, and don’t let the kid feel that they are affected by your separation.
Even though you are no longer partners, you have to maintain the co-parenting relationship together.
Don’t miss attending the school events together. Don’t let only one co-parent hold all the responsibilities alone.
7. Don’t push the child on the new partner
Don’t try to force your child or the new partner to create a good relationship since it is difficult for both. It will take a long time to build up a bond between those two strangers.
Especially, kids won’t look at your new partner favorably, and the partner too would be unable to look into your child with love for a time. So let the time to create a relationship between them and don’t force it.
8. Be honest to the new partner
Always be honest with your new partner by making them aware of what they do, especially regarding the co-parenting of children and the occasions when you need to interfere with your ex.
Try to note down everything you are doing under co-parenting and get updated with the new partner about the nature of your child. Be honest and don’t hide things.
Conclusion – Co parenting while in a relationship
As we already discussed, co parenting while in a relationship is not an easy task to accomplish. It needs your commitment to cooperate with the situation. It is a complicated situation for your ex, new partner, and most importantly, the child.
So when having a new relationship, you need to be more concerned about co-parenting and don’t miss your responsibilities regarding your kid due to the new relationship. Identify the bad signs of co-parenting at the initial stage and use the mentioned tips to maintain a good co-parenting relationship.
Thank you for reading. Stay tuned with BestFamilyLife for more good content.